Adoption

Being here in Haiti has brought up a lot of feelings on adoption. There are over 700 orphanages here and heaven only knows how many orphans. Even if you were not an adoptive mother, you could not help but have adoption on the brain. I have had the opportunity to get to know some of the families who are adopting from the orphanage we often go to. Some of them have agreed to let me share their stories in an effort to bring to light the situation in Haiti. I hope these real stories will touch someone's heart and open someone's eyes.

As I have considered what I am asking of these families, I have wondered if I would do the same thing? Would I share my story with the world. Truthfully on our first adoption and before it was completed, probably not. I will now.

So, the stories of our adoptions (unabbreviated, sorry)

We had a hard time conceiving #4 and started looking into international adoption. We realized after looking into it that we did not have the funds to pursue it. Besides something about it did not feel right. While we were fasting and praying one day at a very sacred place in our faith, I had a vision of a beautiful brown little girl joining our family. I had no doubt she was to come to our family. So we started looking into foster care. After completing our home study we learned I was expecting. I was convinced through dream and feelings that I was having twins. So we thought about backing off on the adoption process. This did not feel right either. We kept going and the Doctor's insisted I was not having twins, a fact I confirmed with many ultrasounds at work :) I still could not shake the twin feeling.

Anyways, we completed all of our classes and paperwork about 3 weeks before BJ was born. We wanted to take a child with special medical needs for a few reasons. One, I knew we could. I feel if you are called to medicine it truly is a calling and not just a job. I worked in the NICU for almost 10 years; I knew I could handle it. Another reason is that in CO you can be reimbursed to be a foster child's RN. This was a great blessing for our family so that I could stay home with our bio-children and our special need's child. We knew there was a "waiting list" for special needs' children that was 9 months long at the time. So we decided to wait until BJ was about 3 mo old so that he would be 1 by the time we could actually take a child. We wanted him to have the chance to be the only baby for a while. I know again we were making our own plans and not following God's plan for us :)

We turned in our paperwork when BJ was 11 weeks old, a few days before we were to leave on a family vacation to the mountains. The next day we got a call to come and see a baby boy they wanted us to foster. This really put a kink in "my plans". First of all, this child was a white boy, not the beautiful brown little girl I had seen. Second, he would not require nursing care, therefore, I would be leaving 5 kids including 2 babies to go back to work. And third, he is only 6 weeks older than BJ. We quickly learned again, as we have time and time again in this process, that we are not in charge here. God has a plan and really our only choice is if we choose to follow it or not. We knew this boy was supposed to come home with us. At this point I had SERIOUS doubts about having him long term. After meeting his family I learned why. He was born to a beautiful, young, unwed mother. I truly believe loved him to the best of her ability. His bio-dad was not involved and actually had a warrant in CO so he could not take him even if he did show up in CO. The problem was the boyfriend. He was also a victim of his upbringing and I can not really judge him for things that happened. However, when we got our little boy he was in a full body cast with forever life changing fractures and he had failure to thrive. He was born at over 7 lbs. At almost 5 months old he did not even weigh 10 lbs. He had a serious aversion to eating and was terrified of most things. Long story short, as a result of the abuse and neglect he was subjected to he ended up on a feeding tube and oxygen. I still did not know he was meant to be our forever son as I wrestled with "making the decision". Should his parents' rights be terminated. I laugh now in thinking it was ever "my decision" to make. I now know why I was not convinced yet. I can honestly say I did everything I could to try and help his birth mother to learn how to be a mother. Had I known he was mine, the mother bear in me could not and would not have done that. The US is different than Haiti, if you have a will you have a way. There are programs and all sorts of things to help a mother out if she wants too. His mother and I worked hard for a long time. It was easy as there were two babies and two Mama's. And while I am not the perfect mother, I learned from the best and I can certainly model good mothering. In the end, it was not enough. She became pregnant again and lost interest in him. We still maintain a relationship and I have a great love and respect for her in knowing she really tried for her baby. She worked as hard as she could with the tools she was given and this is what I will tell my son someday. Don't get me wrong, it is not all butterflies and flowers. The effects of abuse run deep. This child, more than any other, tries my patience and brings me to my knees and challenges me to love in a way I never knew I could. And I finally have my twins.

Now about our girlie. About 2 weeks after we had taken BT to our temple to make him part of our forever family, the case worker came to me again. We had told her about my vision years ago and she remembered. Living less than 3 miles from my house was another foster home where my little girl was being raised. SF was born at least 10 weeks early at home, to a 17 year old mother, who did not know she was pregnant. She has an IQ of 65 and was abused in a very wrong way. She was never able to care for her baby. Her family was also unable as they were part of the situation. She was in the NICU for over 3 months and never learned how to eat. She has had a feeding tube since she was brought home from the hospital. Given her genetics, her birth trauma, (she was born at home and did not have a heart rate of 8 min per ambulance reports) and her prematurity she has the deck stacked against her. However, she has made great strides. On one of our first visits, our whole family fasted and prayed to know if she was the little girl we knew was to become part of our family. It was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life as we talked with each of the children about their feelings'. It was unanimous and we took her full time into our home when she turned 2 in March. With the example of the boys she now talks a little and runs all over, something of a miracle for a girl with cerebral palsy. She still does not eat and life will probably look "different" for her. And while not without physical challenges, on a lot of days she brings the happy to our family, she is mellow and lovely, kind, sweet, and easy going. I know beneath her physical limitations she has an amazing spirit. She is a fighter because if not she would not have made it this far and I know as her fighting spirit continues to show through she will continue to make improvements. We feel so blessed to have her as part of our lives.

So 6 kids in 7 years. Not my plan. 3 babies that are only 10 weeks apart, really not my plan. Special needs kids, again not what I would have chosen. I am just so grateful for a greater knowledge that God has a plan for us and while it is not always the "easy" plan or even obvious plan, it is better. Far better than anything I could have or would have planned. And I am grateful for an eternal partner who sees the whole picture. And helps me to do the same.