My new definition of clean

I have had to majorly redefine my definition of clean.

I am the kind of Mom who baths my kids every night with very little exception, then put them in clean PJ's every night, then puts them in a bed where sheets are changed weekly. 

I like things clean. 

I do not like shoes in my house, etc.

So, Haiti was a major readjustment. 

PJ's are worn for days because all laundry is done by hand.

There are literally worms in the water we bath in.

Dishes are all done by hand with cold water. 

The funny thing is that nobody really got sick while we were there, again another way we feel blessed.

Our bathroom we all shared. Something I will NOT miss! Another major difference, at "home" each child has a labeled towel that is theirs only. In Haiti, they all share. Again a laundry thing. 

Justins engineering. You flush the toilet by pulling the string, this was after months of lifting the lid and sticking your hand down the back. YUCK!

Somethings do not change, of all the babies that came and stayed in our home, this was still their first stop. 

And just when I start to feel gross about our worm water, I see these are some people on the street collecting water from a drain on the street. 

Clean sheets, that have been washed in cold water and hung to dry. Then they fell off the railing and laid in the dirt to finish drying. 

Clothes are usually dried outside in the dusty air, unless it is too rainy, then they lay inside for a few days on the stairs to finish drying. 

Who needs a bib?

In Another Life

When we were driving home from the feeding clinic last week, we came upon this little girl. 

She was running in front of our car without a care in the world.
She was only wearing underwear and had what appeared to be a very mild case of cerebral palsy.

We drove up next to her and gave her some of the suckers we keep in the glove box just for these types of situations. 

It because apparent at that time that she was challenged not only physically but mentally too. 

It made me think of my little SF. 

And I said a prayer of thanksgiving in my heart. Thank You God, for sending me my sweet baby in the US, thank you for giving me the means to provide for her mentally, physically and emotionally.

And please bless the mother who is trying to care for this one without the means she needs. 

Toddlers

I believe all should have the opportunity to raise 5 toddlers at once. It is comedy and adventure every minute of everyday! Especially when 3 are boys.

Waldy

These are thoughts I have debated about sharing.

This was the scene in my house this weekend. Roselie and her son Waldy.
I could only imagine as a mother the feelings that must have been going on in her heart.

Waldy lives with Roselies sisters and their children about 4 hours from here.

Roselie has lived around here for quite a while since Port au Prince is where the work is. 

Waldy's dad was killed in the earthquake, so she must provide for them.

She visits about once a month to give her sisters money for Waldy to go to school and eat. 

But, here is the thing. Waldy is a few months older than TJ, six years old, he weighs 35 lbs. For a comparison our 6 year old (whom in all fairness is our most solid kid) weighs 52lbs. Our 3 year olds weigh about 30 lbs. 

This child is skin and bones. He is chronically malnourished and acutely very ill. 

His labs are awful, to look at him is appalling.

But, what to me is the most appealing is that we are here wanting to help and trying to help and right here under our nose is perhaps the sickest most poorly treated kid of them all. 

We tried to talk Roselie into letting him live with all of us when we first got here, but she said he was at school and could not leave.

So, here is the thing. When I started asking her today if he was being treated well, she said she did not think so. Yet, she is hoping to come home with us. 

She wants to come home with us, we want her to come home with us. He would never get a Visa, it is very questionable if she will even. 

I asked her if he would be okay if she was not in the country. She said she did not know. 

I told her we could help her if she stayed here and lived with him

she said that while she did not know if he would be okay here, she did know that without the opportunities the US has to offer her she knows they will never have a future here. 

The sad thing is that she is right. 

Today I do not like this country, I do not like the lack of opportunity for good people like Roselie and Johnny. I do not like that they really do have to "get out" in order to survive here. 

And I do not like that this mother that I have come to love like a sister sat in her room with her baby on her lap all day crying about the choices she has to make. 

But, choices have to be made and so after two days of in home treatment with antibiotics for one thing, antiparasitic for another thing, Malaria treatment and IV's it was decided that one sister would take him back home to the other sister whom he has know as "Mom" since he was 5 months old. 

(On a side note, IS and Justin helped me put the IV's in and did awesome, I was so proud!)

Angles Among Us

My camera has a hard time with the color disparity of my subjects.

Most of our children are really white. It does not help that both Mom and Dad are practically albino.

Also does not help that Haitians are probably the darkest skin people I have seen.

Below are some pictures taken from the feeding clinic to illustrate my point.

I promise these picture have not been enhanced in anyway, only cropped.

I think it is fitting that they were all taken at the feeding clinic. As we have had such great opportunities to serve there and I really think my kidos look like angels there. 

BJ among his friends

BT bringing food to some of the kids

I like this one of IS in the background, handing out vitamins.

CT eating with his friends. Notice he is the only one with his food on the floor, very culturally taboo.

Building Trust

We have had Velo for about a month now. 

 He is a super sweet little boy, but has never lived with a family and that is a huge change for him I am sure. 

He is our oldest "foster child" we have ever cared for, pair that with the fact that he is coming from an orphanage and does not speak the same language as us and we can just say it has been an interesting adjustment.

I find with all of our "foster kids" we have a building trust time. 

Here is a classic example. 

We go to the pool, he stands on the side and watches the other kids jump in from the side. 

I think having kids the same age is one of the best ways to help new children in the home adjust. Frankly, we really believe it saved our SF. When we got her at 2 years old, she could not even crawl correctly. 

Velo, has been no exception. Although he tries to boss even the oldest children around, he is much more apt to try new things when the other kids are too.

And eventually by himself, into the pool, head under bobbing to the side and everything. 

Having these kidos in our house has given us a renewed interest in foster care for sure. We are excited to get home and start working with some families in our home town. After being here we also have a renewed interest in keeping families together. We see so many people here who have to give their babies up due to economics. From my experience in the foster system in the states, every parent has every ability to get their child back, if they truly want to. There are programs galore and money galore to help parents. I really hope that we will be able to help some families stay together if it be Gods will at home. 

a Hole or a Trench?

When we were considering adopting BT, I counseled with a very wise friend of mine. I was concerned that if we adopted the first child we fostered it would limit our ability to "help" other children. 

She talked with me about the fact that sometimes when you "go to war" you dig a fox hole (for two people), and sometimes you dig a trench (for a number of people). One is not better than the other. 

I have since thought about this a lot. Justin and I have talked a lot about what we feel is better for our family. It turns out my wise friend was correct, one is not better than the other. 

And it also turns out lucky for us that God has made "our burdens lighter" as we have been able to help and we have not really had to choose. And it also turns out in the end we are the ones that have been "helped" anyway...

The Feeding Clinic, trenches,

Some of the kids from the Feeding Clinic

While we love the trench, it is really the holes are the ones that stick with us. And if I'm honest I feel like seeking after the one is of eternal importance.

Baby Nicholas who holds a special place in my heart

A baby at the feeding clinic that I have fallen in love with, its funny even among the many one always sticks out.

And of course our two "foster babies", Velo

And Miss Hannah.

Beautiful Things Today

Amongst all the suffering in Haiti there is still so much beauty to be found.

For example;

This beautiful woman we ran into while walking this morning.

Later she knocked on our gate asking for clothes for the baby she is going to have in 3 months.

Luckily, thanks to good friends, I had some to give her. 

 This tree, I am not sure what it is called. But, it is everywhere right now and I love it. It only has leaves and flowers at the very top. 

 We live at the bottom of a VERY steep hill. We are always picking people up to help them to the top. I know stranger danger...

Anyway, this little boy and his mother were so adorable. 

He was just leaving the hospital from getting stitches.

 Roselie. 

Okay this picture is more of a mug shot than a glamour shot.

But, it is for her Visa. 

Today we got her passport, and are hoping and praying she can come and visit us in the US. 

Repenting

This has taken me over a week to post about. Because I thought I should let my unkind feelings settle down before I wrote anything.

Last week we went to deliver "stuff" to the people at our feeding clinic.

I should define stuff. 

Shoes that people I love had taken the time to buy and either ship to me or send down with others I love who carried extra bags so the shoes could get here. 

Dolls that Rachel's church friends handmade for the children. 

Hygiene kits my church friends lovingly collected, gathered, and helped me assemble. 

Vitamins a friend bought, which are not cheap, and brought down. 

Justin and I personally carried over five extra, 52 lb bags down to Haiti along with our kids and all their stuff. 

The people at Frontier Airlines were even helpful in "the deal" in letting the stuff fly free.

I had a lot of great hopes and expectations for this day.

This was my mistake. Whenever I get my hopes up or have a very specific outcome I am expecting and things don't work out as I view they should, my feelings are shattered. In the fight or flight arena I am usually a fighter. If not in words at least in feelings and I have been trying to wrestle these feelings out with God all week. I am trying to grow in this area. 

I think the bottom line for me is that I had great hopes of the people I love, who are supporting us, being able to help the people I have come to love and frankly need the support.  

But, instead this is how it went down... 

Here are 4 of the 52lb bags of "stuff"

Here are some of the amazing people that I love from my home church who literally gathered stuff to make over 200 hygiene kits (comb, toothbrush, toothpaste, washcloth and soap all in a ziplock bag). 

Here are some of the 50 some pairs of shoes that were bought or donated by my Grandpa and good friends from home. 

Here are most of the hygiene kits waiting to be handed out. 

And here is what ensued. Mobbing. Literally riotous mobbing. People shoving, pushing, taking from children, etc. Justin and I literally grabbed our children and stood out of the way with our mouths opened. 

Roselie who is a VERY good sport handing out the remainder of the dolls to little girls whose big sisters would snatch them away the minute the little ones got them.

                         CT's self portrait captures all of our feelings. What the crap is going on here?

CT's face is how we have all felt for the last week. A week of processing, pleading and repenting. 

It did not help that this week a child literally opened the back door of my car and grabbed my purse out. The fighter in me grabbed it back and scolded him. But, I wanted to go "home". Home to where children do not steal things out of my car and if they did the police would do something about it. And where parents are able to feed their children so they do not need to steal. And where I do not need to be scared that when I drove in that area again they were going to try and steal my children this time. I just wanted to go home and forget this side of the world that I have come to know. 

Justin found this scripture that helped us to remember where our hearts need to be

Mosiah 4: 16-20 (found in the Book of Mormon)

16 And also, ye yourselves will ^asuccor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the ^bbeggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish.

17 Perhaps thou shalt ^asay: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just—

 18 But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God.

 19 For behold, are we not all ^abeggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?

 20 And behold, even at this time, ye have been calling on his name, and begging for a ^aremission of your sins. And has he suffered that ye have begged in vain? Nay; he has poured out his^bSpirit upon you, and has caused that your hearts should be filled with ^cjoy, and has caused that your mouths should be stopped that ye could not find utterance, so exceedingly great was your joy.

I had to once again step back and remember, I have been richly blessed in the things of this world. And maybe if I were in a situation where grabbing a pair of shoes that would sell on the street for enough money to feed my family, who was starving, I would do the same thing. Even at the expense of my neighbor.

 It reminded me of the night we had the little earthquake here. The first thought I had was there is NO way I can run through this house and save each of these children before the walls fall down!

Which ones could I grab the quickest?

 These are NOT normal thoughts in my previous culture, but these are everyday here. Only it is not just about earthquakes that are threatening to take the children but starvation and illness and other things that are too wrong to even mention. 

And here I was upset that my friends from home who gave so much were not going to get the proper thank you they deserved. Out of over 200 people, there was only one thank you. And it was not the word we were looking for just the look on their faces. Nothing, just sheer madness, sheer hurry and get what you can for you. 

So, to all of you who support us. I thank you because my belly is full everyday, I have clothes to wear and a roof over my head and medicine when I am sick. I am not choosing what child I need to put up for adoption, although some days I am tempted. I thank you for serving because you are in the place to do so. I thank you because I am in the place to thank you. 

As far as these beautiful Haitians we love, they thank you in their own way too, by being the vessel through which we can all learn about service and the true love of Christ.

Because as Johnny pointed out,"You are the only ones upset by this, all of these people are just happy they got something. This is just how we act."

Baby Hannah

Meet Baby Hannah. 

Hannah is a little girl who is currently living in a friends orphanage trying to get healthy enough to maybe go back with her birth mother. She is having some major issues eating and has been hospitalized on and off for these issues. Unfortunately, or fortunately in this case, we happen to have a lot of experience in these particular issues. Again we feel so blessed to haven been given the trials we have as we have learned a lot and hope to be able to use what we have learned to bless others. We decided to bring her home in the hopes that being in home environment would help her thrive. FYI she is not up for adoption :)

We are all already smitten!

Moments

This week has reminded me that "We do not remember days, we remember moments." We have had some funny, odd, hilarous, and not so hilarous moments in Haiti this week:

- I almost hit a man wearing nothing but mud who was running across the road.
- Something that did not go over very well and I hesitate to even share. The other morning we woke up to machine gun fire. There is a house behind us that is huge and heavily protected: electric fence, etc. Anyways, apparently someone tried to break in and they were met with a machine gun. What was more concerning, however, was the fact that the shots were returned by what sounded like a shot gun. (I am not a gun expert, I just know it sounded different that the "normal" gunfire we hear.) It was one of those "Is this really my life" moments.
- We had to fire Angelo. Sad and disappointing.
- We finally got our gun.
- We were without electricity again for 3 days. While Rachel's poor sister was here. She said it was okay, it was just like she was camping.
- We found worms in our water, not the drinking water, but still worms.
- CT found a tick on his chest, I found one in our bed.
- We went hiking to our normal spot and found out that apparently Sunday is bath day at our favorite hiking spot . It was a education for the kids. I fear for our babies who do not remember life any other way.

Some pictures;

I just have to post about public bathrooms. They seriously make me consider using the street like everone else. And I never hesitate to let my boys do this. This is actually a decent one. It had a toilet seat and a make shift door. Still no TP. The toilets never flush so the buckets sitting next to the toilets are full of water and you have to "gravity flush the toilet".

The sink which actually had running water, a huge plus. No soap and the water was then collected into that yellow bucket and I am sure recycled for I don't want to know what.

Rainy Season. We are in the thick of rainy season. Suddenly it is raining most evenings and even a few days, super lame.

With rainy season comes bug season. One night we were literally invaded by these flying ants. They all flew in one night, dropped their silly wings all over the house and went somewhere. Who knows?

Another new edition. Bug nets for all. FYI, the flying ants fit through the holes.

A picture of our house in the middle of one rainy day. I love huge, heavy rain storms that come in quick and get out quick. Or the ones that come in the night and cool everything off. Ones that stick around all day and make everything gloomy...I could do without those.

We do not have a washer and dryer. This is a huge problem in rainy season. Here are our clothes that sat out on the stairs for 4 days drying. Yuck!

And our family room which has also become a clothes drying area. 

This was just too hilarous not to post. It is a box of corn flakes, the only cereal under $5, with a bottle of hot sauce taped to it. We bought it as a package. How great is that?

Some of these moments are hard here, some are frustrating. But they are just that, moments. They all pass.

Now the moments that make it all worth it! Actually, more than worth it. They literally help to melt away the frustration and dissapointment.

- We met one of the most amazing, fascinating couples ever. Steve and Heather, post to follow soon.
-BJ with a girl at the feeding clinic. I wish the babies would remember Haiti. I know I will never forget some of the moments they have had here.

- Rachel, Roselie, Johnny, and Rosana (Roselie's sister who stayed with us for a weekend). When we read scriptures at night, Roselie follows along in a Creole Book of Mormon we got her. She said this is the first time she has been able to read scriptures in Creole. It is great to watch her love it.

-The angels around us. These are some of the kids from the feeding clinic. I can not help but think they look like little angels. I feel so lucky to take part of this awesome experience rain, bugs, guns and all.