Adjusting

People keep asking how we are adjusting.

Lots of days it feels like we never left. 

This is definitely our home.

Which is good...and bad.

The first time I went to Costco I seriously had a hard time catching my breath, literally almost in panic attack mode.

We did not buy anything.

Today I went and spent hundreds of dollars at Costco. 

Some days I feel totally disgusted at the waste and the ridiculous conversations I am part of. 

Some days I do not even notice. 

I feel kind of stuck between two worlds. 

Still trying to incorporate what we have learned with where we are now. 

I know lots of people do it, maybe just a little more time ...

This scene made me laugh so hard when we got home. My closet. I brought 3 pairs of shoes to Haiti, and about that many necklaces. Then I come home to this. 

Now who really needs this many summer church shoes?

Yet, you will probably not see me getting rid of any.

Two worlds.

Roselie

We found out on Wednesday that Roselie did not get her Visa to come and stay with us. 

We are of course disappointed and do not understand. 

Everything she could have needed was in order. Everything we could have done had been done. 

I guess we just have to keep trying until we have the faith to accept God's will. 

I just can not believe this would be his will for her.

Right before we came back, we were able to go and see Roselies house in Port-Au-Prince. 

When she is not with us she stays in this one room place with her Aunt and two cousins.

There is one bed.

No kitchen, or bathroom, or door, or glass in the "window".

It was basically just a 15x15 room down an alley of other rooms. 

All full of people.

Did you know that PaP has more people per sq. ft. than India or China?

The only thought that kept running through my head was what keeps the bed of 4 women safe at night when there is not even a door and you are living in an over crowded slum?  

The narrow alley ways where women were sitting out cooking.

The Toilet

Missing Roxy

It has been almost three weeks since our Roxy girl was killed. 

Please tell me someday this will not be the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep?

A few of my Favorite Things

I can not believe we have been home over two weeks! 

We were able to drive to our family reunion last week and Justin did all the driving on the way there so that I could organize all of our Haiti pictures. 

Here are some that I found that I wanted to remember. 

Don't know why but I love this look

 Silly Cat

So on "packing day" one of our suitcases went missing from upstairs where I was packing. After looking for quite a while I finally found it in the pile of already packed suitcases downstairs.
Check out what was in it. Both of the boys dee dee's  (special blankets) and a play hammer.
Because if you are BJ and BT all you need to move home is your hammer and your dee dee. 
Then you have to drag the suitcase downstairs yourself to make sure it gets home! 

This is a rock that we pass all the time, it is carved into a face.  The kids call it the Santa rock or the SF face.

My favorite game, the only "game" besides soccer I have seen kids playing here.
This child has the plastic rim from a 5 gallon bucket pulled off and he is using a bent piece or wire to roll it down the street. The object is to keep it upright.

Almost Home

After a long day of travel we are almost back home, it's good to be back in the USA.

More Heartbreak in Haiti

I remember having the distinct impression before we moved to Haiti, that one, it was what we should do and two, it was going to be harder then we thought it would be. Both have proven to be true. I think our last day was the hardest. We learned that Roxy was killed by the dogs we left her with. Needless to say we are beyond heartbroken for all involved. I learned two valuable lessons here; 1- trust your instincts. 2- we should do what we think is right and not worry about judgment from others, I don't care if she was a rotweiller she was a great dog and fit very well in our family whether Allstate wants to insure us or not. We are thanking God today for so many tender mercies He has shown us as we deal with our sadness. And trying to put on a happy face for the kids..

Saying good-bye

Last night Rachel invited us for a wonderful Lasagna dinner. We were able to take some time is saying our good-byes to the babies.
It was really hard. I don't think I realized how attached I feel to these little people. 

I will miss them like crazy!

But, feel such peace in knowing they are well cared for now and they are going to wonderful families. 

The Boys- All with new haircuts. When we came only three of these guys were walking. Now all but one are walking all over!

The Girls- Love these lil' ladies so much!

The whole group as we were leaving, just sitting on the steps looking as sad as we were feeling. 

Baby Hannah Update

Today we saw baby "Hannah" at the beach. 

She looks awesome.

It was a great way to close a hard chapter for me to see her so happy and thriving. 

She has gained so much weight and really looks well.

I guess God does know what he is doing after all. 

Why do I ever question Him?

Baby Hannah, six weeks ago on her last day here.

Baby Hannah Today

Missing You!

As we are getting ready to leave, we have had to say good bye a lot. 

Some have happened already, some are still coming. 

Some really sting . . .

Velo and "Fiona" BJ is really sad about Velo. He just keeps asking why he can not come home with us.

My Roxy girl, I love this puppy. I will miss her terribly. 

The Beach

I am going to miss so many things about Haiti. 

This being on the top of the list, it is a bit of a drive to get there,

but so worth it!

Some major energy wasting going on here!

In Another Life

When we were driving home from the feeding clinic last week, we came upon this little girl. 

She was running in front of our car without a care in the world.
She was only wearing underwear and had what appeared to be a very mild case of cerebral palsy.

We drove up next to her and gave her some of the suckers we keep in the glove box just for these types of situations. 

It because apparent at that time that she was challenged not only physically but mentally too. 

It made me think of my little SF. 

And I said a prayer of thanksgiving in my heart. Thank You God, for sending me my sweet baby in the US, thank you for giving me the means to provide for her mentally, physically and emotionally.

And please bless the mother who is trying to care for this one without the means she needs. 

Zamni Mwen

I have been really picture happy then last few days, there are things and people I want to remember. 

Like this guy, I do not know his name, but he drives this giant truck up and down our hill more times in a day than I do. And whenever he sees us he waves like his life depends on it. 

The first time I saw him outside while we were on a walkabout (I think we had been here about a month) he grabbed my face, kissed my cheeks and said 'Zamni Mwen" (my friend).

I will his smiling face and his frantic wave.

Always For One More

There is a saying in Haiti, especially when it comes to cars. 

"There is always room for one more"

I can not tell you how many times we have tested this in our car. It is not uncommon to have 12 people, sometimes 14. We live up a very steep hill and it is just customary to pick up people on the way up or down. So we do.  Not to worry, usually just children, women and elderly. 

Some people will not get in my car, I don't blame them. 

After all not only am I white but a woman driver. 

And I drive in giant manholes!

Our back seat, with 6 people.

The 7 I picked up one day and shoved in the backseat.

Toddlers

I believe all should have the opportunity to raise 5 toddlers at once. It is comedy and adventure every minute of everyday! Especially when 3 are boys.

Feeling Guilty

I am starting to feel super guilty about these two.

I am not taking the cat home. Period, end of story. Sometimes I start to feel really bad and then I go where her liter box is kept and get over it. Then I go see her sleeping with TJ and the guilt starts over.

Roxy on the other hand. . .This is a bad situation. It turns out America does not like Rottweiler’s. Our home insurance literally does not cover you if you have one, some camp and hiking places will not allow them. And I am not sure if our HOA will allow her or not. I happen to believe that there are no bad dogs, just bad owners. I also happen to believe that we should not judge things by the coat they wear but, by how they act. And we LOVE our puppy, she is a good girl. That being said the very sad decision was made that she will not be coming home with us. The silver lining is that I have a good friend here who is a dog person, she has 5 already. She has offered to keep Roxy and I am sure Roxy will be very happy. 

Any dog who could get this dog hating boy to lay on you is a good dog.

I am feeling so guilty about the whole situation I even let her up on the couch.

TJ and Kinley, this is where she sleeps most nights, much to my disgust. 

Although as far as cats go she is pretty cool, here she is in the "barbie wire" as BJ likes to call it. 

Loved and Lost or Never Loved at All?

Here is the question. Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? This is something we wrestled with when we started to do foster care. Everyone told us the research shows that if you can get a child to attach to one person then they will be able to attach to another person too. Seems easy enough right? The problem is in order for them to attach you have to too. And then you just feel guilty when they have to leave and you start wondering;

-          Who will rock her to sleep in the hammock ever night?

-          Who get him water, when he says in the cutest voice “Mommy, wader please?”

-          Who will lay down with them to have a nap so that they will fall asleep?

-          Who will get them the medical care they need?

-          Who will given them kisses when they pucker their little lips?

-          And who will hold them when they cry?

The good thing with these two is that I know someone will someday. And for one of them I know that some of their needs will be met in the mean time. Unfortunately that child just needs more than can be given in a orphanage setting. For both I pray for a quick adoption process. And I pray that the love we could give them in the mean time will be enough to carry them through some rough days ahead. 

Velo, playing the part of Batman on his scooter. 

"Fiona" stealing bites of cookie dough when I turn my back.

I am a Real Haitian Now

So, driving in Haiti is tough. Really tough. For one thing the roads are really unpaved and unmarked, for another people walk in the streets as cars park on the side walks, in areas where they do exist, for another thing others drive on motorcycles like kamikaze pilots. It is not uncommon for roads to be two ways one day and one way the next, with no warning. Most roads were built for two way traffic but they usually turn into at least 3-4 lanes. It is one giant game of chicken.

And the worst part is that there are uncovered manholes everywhere.

I have often seen people drive their whole front end into them. In fact just the other morning I was driving home and saw a lady I thought to myself ‘how would you ever even get out of that?’ Well, later that day I had the opportunity to find out. I drove into one. Right into it. I almost started to turn down a one way then quick corrected. I looked up just in time to see a motorcycle driver waving frantically at me and then I fell in the whole. The whole family was with me. The best part is all the cars around me started honking at me like they do when they want you to move, like I could! Luckily our truck is a tank, literally a tank. I put it in 4 low and 3 guys and Justin helped to lift us right out.

Not the hole I fell into, but you get the idea. About 3x3 and 5 feet deep!

Here this moving truck decided the garbage truck was moving too slow so her took about 10 min getting around him, scrapping them both up as he went. Then the garbage truck moved.

There are also times when they just stop selling gas. It creates madness like this swarm of angry people at the gas station.

And this kind of thing happens everyday when a truck was trying to make it up the hill, decided he was too heavy so  just decided to dump half of his load and then try again. 

Discipline

Discipline. Can I just say I hate discipline. Why can’t my kids just be good without me having to do any work? I guess because then it would not be parenting.

While we are here we have been using IPad time as a reward. If you can not behave I can not let you have IPad time and you will loose minutes.

When we are in public people often comment on how well our children behave. But, look at this picture. 
Here I am sitting with our two borrowed Haitian children and a slew of others and look at my other 3. Literally climbing the walls, and doing donkey kicks. Whew! The best part is that these are my 3 who are generally the easiest. 

This is a note I found on one of our stools, written by CT. In case you can’t read it, it says “I lost minutes for nothing”.

Perhaps it is because we eat like crap here, as everything fresh is super expensive. I rarely let my kids have chips at home, here they are each with a bag of cheesy crap, because hey they were less than 20 cents for all 4.

Or perhaps it is because we do science experiments where we light things on fire. Or because we ride in the car without seat belts of car seats or because we are all together all the time?
What ever it is it has got to get better when we get home!

Thank You

Another giant Thank You to all who have donated things. We are in the process of getting packed up and therefore getting everything passed out.

Roselie’s sister Rosmana wanted to show everyone her baby that will be getting the clothes and toys that were donated to her.

Johnny said with a very generous donation from a friend that his new baby will be clothed for the next few years. Thank You Tammy!

4th of July

Here is house in our neighborhood that consistently fly's the US Flag upside down.  I am not sure exactly what it is meant by it, but I do not feel like it is a nice thing.  I have to be honest it really ticks me off. 

I have always been "proud to be an American" but, living here has opened my eyes to just how proud I am. I know America has it flaws, I know our government is not perfect. But, I just know that if we took the worst parts of our government and applied it here, it would make a world of difference here. But, where do you even start. That is a question we ask our selves every day. Where to even start? Despite the fact that there is an education issue, even educated people do not have opportunities, and there are not opportunities because there is not a strong government to support it. And there is not a strong government because people are not educated, and it just keeps going round and round.